hmmmmmmm

things that bug the hell out of me:

~when people say friggin or freakin or any other word that sounds ridiculously close to fucking. ok, if you dont want to cuss then dont say something that is a replacement cuss word, its the sammmmmme thing. and if you are having such strong feelings that you have to use a replacement cuss word, then just cuss, gosh.
~when that damn chocolate is looking sooooo good and tasting even better. and i have been a good girl and eaten only a tiny bit of food today and no junk and i that fucking chocolate just has to be soo good.gosh.
~when my guinea pig scratches my arms all up with his claws and the next day people are looking at the marks and thinking i cut, if i wanted you to look at my arms and see cuts i would show you, gee.
~society in general, i hate you. go away. please. you make all us girls feel fat and far from perfect. and all that crap about "girls can choose how they feel about themselves" is true but have you guys who say that ever tried it? its ridiculously hard to make yourself think that you are pretty in this society. so just go away. please.
~stupid fucking people who are hurting my amazingly wonderful friends. just go be nice. no need to hurt anyone anymore. the war is almost over. gee wiz.
~most light flowers, the color yellow, food, stupid feelings, and sunshine( though with this good ol indiana weather, i do miss the sun, but only a wee bit)

i'll title this later

ive decided that i will just post my poems on here when i get around to it. but for now, im just gonna write.

things that are on my mind:

jail, whats it like there? is my mind one?
monsters, are we all ones? or just some of us?
people, why?
hmmmm..
knives, guns, pills, cliffs
black, white, and colorful
cellular phones
commas save lives: let's eat grandma or let's eat , grandma
why? people.
everyone has a different kind of pillow-preference
sex=hmmmm..
i like the color green
can hearts really break beyond all hope of being fixed?
definition of "kat"
human anatomy, how weird looking are we?
time wasting= fun or horrid?
i am reeeeally good at random shit
how far have we fallen?
did it hurt?
i miss him..

ha, i have more!

yeah so i have been on like brain steroids or something cuz i have just written even more new poems. i hope you wanna read them. here they are. and these arent about me, they are just sorta poems, in general.


two little ones
a boy and a girl
they play around
and she yells
as he runs away
again

two bigger ones
a guy and a girl
they fool around
and she cries
as he runs away
once more

two grown ones
a man and a girl
they mess around
and she screams
as he runs away
for the final time











she is hurt
and he knows it
but he doesnt
do a thing to help

she is crying
and he sees it
but he doesnt
help her at all

she is begging
and he hears it
but he doesnt stop
and she is hurt agian

she is running
and he feels it
but he doesnt keep her
and she is gone















those eyes
staring at you
they see
what you dont

those ears
listening to you
they hear
what you cant

those mouths
speaking to you
they say
what you dont

those hearts
caring for you
they love
who you wont













he broke in
and got to you
he fell on top
and you fought
but he won

he creeped in
and got your body
he fell on you
and you screamed
but he won

he came in
and took yourself
he fell in you
and you cried
but he won

and now you
are hurting more
and you have part of him
growing inside
because he won

you can not escape
the time he got you
and you can not take away
what he gave you
because he won

and you will
die once this is over
and leave your child
without anyone to help
because he won


like i said, none of these are about me. so they may suck cuz i wasnt writing from the heart. but i kinda like them. so oh well.

new poems

ok, so. i know i havent written in awhile (again). but i am writing now. but instead of posting my next poems in my poetry book, i wrote some new ones late last night, and im gonna copy them down here cuz i think they are not terribly bad so i want to see what you follower think of it. here they are:

im hurting
deep inside
can you see me
i bet not
oh well

im hiding
deep inside
can you find me
i think not
oh well

im sighing
deep inside
can you hear me
probably not
oh well

im crying
deep inside
can you tell
i doubt it
oh well

im screaming
deep inside
can you sense it
probably not
oh well

im hurting
inside and out
can you care
i bet not
no well







i think
something
its a secret
but i’ll tell you
if you promise
not to tell
a soul
do you want
to know it

i think
anything
its private
but i’ll let you know
if you swear
not to speak
a word of it
to anyone
do you want
to know it

i think
nothing
anymore
i wont tell you
so dont bother
to wonder
but promise me
you won’t tell
someone
my thoughts








death
do you know it
do you see it
coming down on me
from somewhere near
breathing sweetly
smelling heavenly

death
do you see it
do you know it
coming here
from somewhere close
sounding grand
looking perfect

death
do you feel it
do you sense it
coming now
being wonderful
bringing silence
so longed for

peace
brought by death
did you know it
did you feel it
when it was coming
gaining fast
too late now
i will miss you dear








i wanted to write a poem
a poem to tell my thoughts
a passage to convey my feelings

i wanted it to be happy
but my thoughts are sad
and my feelings are bad

i wished it would be a good poem
i wanted it to move people
but i am not strong enough
to move anyone with my words

i wanted to write a poem
but i gave up
and never wrote again


all of these were writen early this morning, february 15th, at like midnight.




yeah, so i know they are depressing, but i was feeling depressed last night. but the good news is that i got some good poems out of the sad episode.

i promise to write again soon. tootles.

i really need to start writing more

so i havent written in a while (again) and i really need to stop that. i want to start writting again and so i am gonna try. im gonna try really hard. but please do forgive me if i dont write too often because that is just hard for me. ha, so yeah, here is my next poem:


lies, lies.
they sprout form me.
oh how i despise,
these perfect lies.

screaming,screaming.
hold it all in.
oh how i am seeming,
to never stop screaming.

pay, pay.
surely i'll have to.
oh how can i stay,
when i know i will pay.

feb. 2nd 2009

*i sorta just wrote this poem just to write. i know its not good buuuut oh well. its still writing, right? hehe. punny. :)



heres my next one:


me

im breaking down,
im crying out.
i need help,
i need to shout.
theres nothing left,
no more to say.
and when its done,
i'll still be this way.
timid rage,
burning sadness.
within my head,
its all madness.
what shall i do?
where can i go,
to heal up?
does no one know?
its creeping inside,
its all i see.
i cant fight it,
for it is me.

feb, 2nd 2009

*this one i actually wrote for kind of a purpose. i was feeling trapped by myself and all that i am, or was, or still am. i honestly dont know.

there is not much else for me to say about these two poems. sorry. i guess thats all i have to say for tonight. so umm..yeah. ok. tootles