Friday, June 3, 2011
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
ahfkjdhkdhdkad
gosh darn it.
that up there, see it? yeah, im trying not to cuss anymore. because it is not classy. and i have come to realize that.
gosshhhhhh. i like him. and i dont want to. because he doesnt like me back. at all. maybe. no. no not at all.
but i want him to sooo bad. but it is too soon after the break up to date again. i know that. but i either way i like this dude. and i want to date him. but that just wont happen.
i think he maybe used to like me a bit. but not anymore.
i get jealous when i know other girls are talking to him. and i feel so sad when he doesnt talk to me for a longer period of time. sigh, i like him. i have for a while. i just didnt act on it, or admit it to myself because i was with Jon then.
akjdflkjlfjsk
what to do, what to do..
that up there, see it? yeah, im trying not to cuss anymore. because it is not classy. and i have come to realize that.
gosshhhhhh. i like him. and i dont want to. because he doesnt like me back. at all. maybe. no. no not at all.
but i want him to sooo bad. but it is too soon after the break up to date again. i know that. but i either way i like this dude. and i want to date him. but that just wont happen.
i think he maybe used to like me a bit. but not anymore.
i get jealous when i know other girls are talking to him. and i feel so sad when he doesnt talk to me for a longer period of time. sigh, i like him. i have for a while. i just didnt act on it, or admit it to myself because i was with Jon then.
akjdflkjlfjsk
what to do, what to do..
Friday, December 24, 2010
and after all this
all i want to know, is that i will always have a special place in your heart.
you were so much a part of me, such a large part. i just want to rest assured that you will always remember me.
i know you wont always love me. you wont always think of me. but i want you to always, always keep a little part of me with you. always.
is that too much to ask?
you were so much a part of me, such a large part. i just want to rest assured that you will always remember me.
i know you wont always love me. you wont always think of me. but i want you to always, always keep a little part of me with you. always.
is that too much to ask?
Thursday, December 23, 2010
it happened again. the exact same way as the first time. except, it was with Jon and not Kevin. and it was in a dream.
i dont know why i dreamt it, is it a warning sign? should i get out now so im not the one hurt? but, if i did that, i would be hurt even more i think.
this is what happened:
with kevin, we had been dating over a year. in between twelve and thirteen months. and some mornings we would stand alone before school started. we would stand and talk about the fight we had had the night before. and sometimes i would cry and he wouldnt hold me or hug me.
but before this started occurring so often, he had told me over the phone one night that he didnt love me anymore.
he said, "kat, i have to tell you something." ..... "i dont think i love you anymore."
you can imagine my devestation. i wanted to die, i wanted to die more than anything else in the world. so i told my mom that and she kept me safe for the night.
i was stupid and after he told me that i begged him not to break up with me. i told him i loved him more than anything and blah blah blah. so i help on so much tighter than i had before. which made it worse, im sure. and then he broke up with me. we were just talking on the phone like every other night and he suddenly breaks up with me.
to tell the truth, i dont remember exactly what he said before or after that. i remember him saying "im breaking up with you, its over." i then said, "oh, okay. okay. bye kevin." and it was done.
i know im over him and i know its stupid, but this entire story of what happened between kevin and myself still haunts me. it haunts me so much that i dreamt that it happened again. but with Jon.
this time, in my dream, jon took me off to the side in a busy place and told me he didnt love me anymore and told me he was breaking up with me. and i replyed, "oh, okay. okay. bye jon." and then, yet again, it was done.
this dream is haunting me so much more than it should. i shouldnt let it become such a large part of my thoughts. it happened three days ago but i am still obsessing over it. i even told jon about it today. and he just said that the man in my dreams was a liar and that he does love me. which helped me a little but i still feel...bad because of this stupid dream.
i know i am one of those people who always needs someone. but i dont always need a boyfriend or a guy in my life. i just need people who love me. i know this. but it is so difficult to always convince myself of this truth.
i love jon, i really do. i know that now for sure. i just hope beyond anything else that he loves me the same. he says he does. and he deffinitely loved me more in the beginning that i liked him. but what if he starts to fall out of love with me, just like kevin did? i have come so far emotionally and mentally these past few months. i have gotten so much better. what if he stops loving me and i still love him? i dont know if i would be able to get over that again.
i dont know why i dreamt it, is it a warning sign? should i get out now so im not the one hurt? but, if i did that, i would be hurt even more i think.
this is what happened:
with kevin, we had been dating over a year. in between twelve and thirteen months. and some mornings we would stand alone before school started. we would stand and talk about the fight we had had the night before. and sometimes i would cry and he wouldnt hold me or hug me.
but before this started occurring so often, he had told me over the phone one night that he didnt love me anymore.
he said, "kat, i have to tell you something." ..... "i dont think i love you anymore."
you can imagine my devestation. i wanted to die, i wanted to die more than anything else in the world. so i told my mom that and she kept me safe for the night.
i was stupid and after he told me that i begged him not to break up with me. i told him i loved him more than anything and blah blah blah. so i help on so much tighter than i had before. which made it worse, im sure. and then he broke up with me. we were just talking on the phone like every other night and he suddenly breaks up with me.
to tell the truth, i dont remember exactly what he said before or after that. i remember him saying "im breaking up with you, its over." i then said, "oh, okay. okay. bye kevin." and it was done.
i know im over him and i know its stupid, but this entire story of what happened between kevin and myself still haunts me. it haunts me so much that i dreamt that it happened again. but with Jon.
this time, in my dream, jon took me off to the side in a busy place and told me he didnt love me anymore and told me he was breaking up with me. and i replyed, "oh, okay. okay. bye jon." and then, yet again, it was done.
this dream is haunting me so much more than it should. i shouldnt let it become such a large part of my thoughts. it happened three days ago but i am still obsessing over it. i even told jon about it today. and he just said that the man in my dreams was a liar and that he does love me. which helped me a little but i still feel...bad because of this stupid dream.
i know i am one of those people who always needs someone. but i dont always need a boyfriend or a guy in my life. i just need people who love me. i know this. but it is so difficult to always convince myself of this truth.
i love jon, i really do. i know that now for sure. i just hope beyond anything else that he loves me the same. he says he does. and he deffinitely loved me more in the beginning that i liked him. but what if he starts to fall out of love with me, just like kevin did? i have come so far emotionally and mentally these past few months. i have gotten so much better. what if he stops loving me and i still love him? i dont know if i would be able to get over that again.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
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